Unmasked
by strawberryjill
Summary: Someone inadvertently discovers who the man behind the mask really is...and learns more about him than could ever be expected
1. Discovery

Hello all you lover-lies out there in fanfiction land! I have been writing fanfiction for a while, in other series, but this is my first attempt at a SR one. So, please keep that in mind and be nice with the reviews! But please, do review!  
And now, on with the angst! (This is the first chapter of many, and it will get better, I promise)  
  
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Trixie had to laugh at herself when she saw her reflection in one of the windows at the factory. She looked like hell, with her damp, sweaty hair and flushed face. It had been a hell of a day, as she had just returned from a long run with some of her cross country friends. The group of them had all run together in high school, and as almost all of them had stayed in town after graduation, they still continued to meet on a regular basis. Some of them even continued to race, but Trixie didn't. She just loved to run.  
'Perhaps we over-did it a little bit' she thought with a laugh. 'Twelve miles in twenty-five degree weather, that was a bit much'. But it was a beautiful December day, and she couldn't pass up the opportunity to run this weekend. She was going to be away at a race with Speed all next week, and then next weekend was Christmas, so she didn't think she would get another opportunity like this for a while.  
She moved towards the bathroom in order to wash her face, but when she rounded a corner she bumped right in to Pops Racer, who was so much bigger than she was that she stumbled and struggled to prevent herself from falling over. She hadn't seen who she had run in to at first, and she stammered out "I'm so sorry, sir" a couple of times before she heard some very deep chuckling.  
"Better be careful who you run in to like that, not everyone is as cushy and elastic as I am! You could get hurt in such a collision!" Pops said in his usual domineering yet endearing voice. Trixie smiled up at him and laughed.  
"Well, why else do you think I hang around here so much? And you're not cushy at all," she said, suddenly turning serious. She hoped her hesitation to deny his remark hadn't insulted him. But Pops was clearly not offended as he laughed even harder and put one of his enormous arms around her shoulders, leading her down the hall. Trixie really loved that guy sometimes.he was just too funny.  
As the two walked, Pops asked her about her appearance, and she confirmed his suspicion that she had just come from a run. He chastised her a little bit for arriving without a sweater or jacket; it was very cold out, and he seemed to think that she was very susceptible to getting sick (which she wasn't-she never got sick). He vowed to give her a padded racing jumpsuit to wear on her walk home, which made Trixie want to laugh hysterically, but she kept it inside as she knew that Pops was being serious. The thought of her running home in a jumpsuit was completely ridiculous, but that was the way Pops was. He had some pretty ridiculous ideas at times.  
He led her in to a conference room where Trixie saw that Speed, Sparky, and, to her surprise, Racer X were bent over a large collection of papers that lay spread out on the table. All three of them looked up and smiled when they saw her walk in to the room, breaking their conversation.  
"Hey you," Speed said. Pops removed his arm from her shoulders, making her feel extremely light very suddenly, and she walked over to the table. She gazed down at the papers on the table, wondering what they were. Speed read her mind.  
"We're looking at the layout and rules for that race I was telling you about, you know, the one in February?" he said.  
"February? Aren't there more immediate races to be concerned with?" Trixie walked over and put his hands on Speed's shoulders, glancing at the papers without much interest.  
"Nothing wrong with planning ahead, my dear!" Pops chimed in. Trixie looked up and laughed. Then she looked over at Racer X, who was still smiling at her, although he hadn't said a word since she arrived.  
"So what brings you here?" she asked him.  
He laughed at her. "Well, good evening to you to. So nice to see you on this fine winter night."  
Trixie felt herself blushing. "Oh, no, I didn't mean that, it came out wrong."  
Racer X put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I'm only teasing you." Trixie couldn't help but notice, as she looked up at his cheerful face, that he was an incredibly handsome man, despite the fact that he always wore a mask. And she also couldn't help but notice that he looked incredibly familiar.she actually hadn't ever seen up this close before. But she didn't want to stare, so she just returned the smile and looked back down at Speed, who she discovered was looking up at Racer X's hand on her shoulder.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
"God, we've been at this for two hours, can we give it a rest now?" Sparky groaned.  
Speed was yawning, and Racer X appeared to be losing that iron-clad attentiveness that he seemingly always possessed. But Pops was still poring over the documents, giving every little detail his utmost attention and care.  
"Yeah, Pops, come on, this is getting redundant. And I think I'm finally agreeing with Trixie; this race is two months away, you know." Speed said. Trixie looked over at him and glared, giving him a silent look that said, 'Oh, NOW he agrees with me.'  
Racer X let out a yawn himself. "And I'm going to third that opinion, Pops."  
Trixie looked up at him with furrowed eyebrows. His choice of words clearly was a bit unorthodox, for she didn't believe that Racer X knew Pops well enough to be using such an endearing term. However, she tried to shrug it off as she saw that no one else cared about his speech.  
"Oh, you amateurs, you don't care at all about the future! Just acting impulsively.getting tired, so you just want to quit. We have do much more that we could be doing!"  
Everyone else laughed, and Racer X stood up. He bent over backwards slightly, working the cracks out of his spine. He looked as though he was going to leave, so Speed spoke up.  
"You leaving?" he asked.  
"No, I don't want to do anything impulsive" he said, making fun of Pops. "I'm just going to get a drink of water." And with that, he moved to the door and exited, smiling and winking at Trixie as he left.  
"So, in all seriousness Pops, can we quit now? I'm exhausted." Speed said, yawning at the same time.  
Pops sighed and began to pull the papers in to a pile, signaling to every one else that the work was finished for the day. The four of them sat there for a minute, no one really saying anything, because everyone was tired. Speed moved over to sit by Trixie, smiling at her and pulling one of her hands in to his own. She smiled back at him, then yawned herself. That long run was finally beginning to catch up with her, and Speed knew it too.  
"How far did you run today?" he asked.  
"Twelve miles."  
"Wow, what was the pace?"  
"Nine miles an hour for the majority, although there was this monster hill right smack in the middle that we just couldn't summit at that speed."  
Speed laughed, saying "Aw, you wusses.and you call yourselves athletes." He was clearly joking, as he was a pretty good runner himself, but he had never been equal to her level. Twelve miles at a nine mile pace would land him a one-way trip to the emergency room.  
"You look beat, though. I hope you won't get sick, being out in the freezing cold." He said, with a considerable amount of concern in his voice.  
"Yeah, Trix, you really should wear a little more when you go running. You could get pneumonia." Sparky chimed in.  
"I know, I know.you guys always give me this lecture." She yawned again, then slowly got to her feet. "I'm going to go to the bathroom, I want to wash my face. I look like hell right now!"  
"No you don't; you look great. In fact, I just thought of another reason why I want you to wear more on your runs." Speed cracked. "I think it is colder than you think, and those Nike tops don't give much warmth to your torso, if you catch my drift."  
Trixie blushed furiously and hit him playfully. She didn't like him saying things like that in front of other people, his father especially. But the other men just laughed as she walked over to the door.  
She stepped out in to the hallway, stretching as she walked. 'Now, where is the ladies room in this place?' the new office building of Pops' Motors was huge, and she still hadn't figured everything out.  
Taking a guess, she turned left at the nearby corner and walked for a bit, checking the labels on each other doors. Most of them were random offices, some were conference rooms, and one was a janitorial closet. No ladies room, and she rounded the next corner, just about ready to turn around and go back the way she came. However, she stopped dead in her tracks as she caught a glimpse of Racer X leaning over a water fountain, cupping his hand to grab some water and then splashing it on his uncovered face.  
Trixie was absolutely frozen in place. She didn't know what to do, and whether or not she should let him know that she had seen his face, or whether she should silently turn and walk away. His eyes were closed as he splashed his face, so he had no idea that she was there, and she was very grateful of that fact as she experienced an epiphany so strong that she felt a sudden urge to vomit.  
She had seen those cheekbones, that jawline, every other contour of his face.in each of the other racers. And his large frame was almost an exact cross between the enormous build of Pops and the muscularity of Speed. When he finally opened his eyes, she couldn't see them dead on, but the chocolate color was exactly the same color as Mrs. Racer's.  
He dried his hands on a paper towel, the sight of which told Trixie that he was getting ready to head back to the conference room. She backed up slowly, taking great care not to make a sound, and when she rounded the first corner, she broke out in to a run. Racer X had not known that she had been there at all, but he was walking back to the room as she ran. She burst through the doors out of breath, surprising the three men who had been left there.  
"More running, Trixie? Haven't you gotten enough for today?" Sparky joked. Trixie had absolutely no sense of humor right now, and she looked at him as if he had three heads, clearly not comprehending what he had just said. He made a face at her, then laughed as her expression became even more confused.  
The door opened behind her, and Racer X walked in, his face in the mask once again. He smiled at her when he first entered the room, but then looked at her with confusion as she didn't smile back. She just stared intensely at him.  
"I think this little one has had enough for one day." Racer X said, putting an arm around her shoulders as he joked. Trixie couldn't believe it.even his arm around her felt like Pops'.  
Racer X walked back over to the other men, who started some random conversation that Trixie didn't listen to. She just sat down in a chair and continued to stare, except now her eyes went back and forth between Racer X, Pops, and Speed as everything she saw before her confirmed her suspicions. The three of them were so alike in countenance that she almost felt foolish for not seeing it before.  
It couldn't last forever. After a while, Speed's eyes returned to the papers in front of him, and as he looked down, he saw in his peripheral vision that something was very off with Trixie. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked up at her, confused as to why she was looking at the rest of them like that. Actually, something very oddly was telling him that she was mostly just staring at Racer X, for as Speed looked at her, she didn't appear to recognize that he was doing so, nor did she realize when Sparky looked up at her, and finally when Pops did so as well. Racer X was the last one to realize what was going on.  
An eerie silence crept over the room as everyone looked at Trixie, and then at each other, with confusion on their faces. Sparky actually began to chuckle a little bit, as Trixie's expression reminded him exactly of one time at a party when she.well, when she saw some rather unorthodox things occurring in front of her. But the other men just looked right back at her, not knowing exactly what was going on or what they should say. But finally, Speed was the one to speak up.  
"Um, Trixie, are you alright?"  
Trixie didn't respond to the question; she just continued to stare right at Racer X. His eyes met hers, but he had no idea what was going on inside of her head. Although she had never looked at him this way before, and something told him that her expression did not have good implications. Sparky only started to laugh harder at her silence, and Pops' face went from a look of confusion and concern to a look of annoyance. One of his pet peeves (and he had a lot of them) was that he hated it when conversation and progress halted, even when the conversation was totally pointless, and he was not privy to the reason why.  
"Trixie, what is the matter with you? We have work to do here, you know." Pops said gruffly.  
Racer X looked over at Pops as he was speaking, then looked back at Trixie, and his face then twisted with alarm. He saw that she was not in fact staring directly at him, but her gaze was quickly moving back and forth between himself, Speed and Pops. And when he put this together with what he had said prior to her sudden silence, the realization came to him. He looked right back at her, straight in to her eyes. His face almost mirrored hers, except that while she was horrified and awed, Racer X was horrified and angered.  
But before Racer X could say anything to her, before he could send her any subliminal messages, Trixie practically rocketed to her feet. Her abrupt movement had knocked all of her papers, along with a glass of water that had rested on the table, to the floor. The trance that had engulfed her as she finally realized the truth was broken as she looked down at the mess she had made, and she scrambled to pick everything up. She could hear Speed sigh in the background, and he moved on to the floor to help her pick everything up, but Pops, Racer X, and Sparky did not move.  
"I'm.I'm s-s-sorry." she stammed out to Speed. She noticed that he looked far from pleased with her, and he didn't look up to meet her gaze.  
"It's okay," he grumbled, clearly not in earnest. "What is with you today, Trixie?"  
"Yeah, you look like you've just seen a ghost. And here I thought Halloween was almost two months ago!" Sparky said with a laugh. He had meant it as a joke, but the irony of his words 'You look like you've just seen a ghost' was not lost on either Trixie, who froze in mid-movement, or on Racer X, whose face became even more serious looking.  
She could not take any more of this; she needed to go somewhere quiet, where she could be alone, and could think about everything. She tried to stand up from her crouched position, but she hadn't realized her position under the table, and she bumped her head on the corner. Pain raced across her forehead, and she could feel warm liquid start to ooze out of a fresh cut. Speed stopped what he was doing and looked up with concern as Trixie appeared to have just given herself a rather nasty cut on her head. His prior annoyance forgotten, Pops also suddenly rushed over to her side to inspect the cut on her head. Sparky only stood up, but he was definitely not laughing anymore; the situation had become too uncomfortable for humor. Racer X was the only one who had not moved at all.  
"Whoa, Trix, hold it, hold it," Speed reached an arm out and put one of his hands on her shoulder as he brought her head closer to his eyes. He couldn't believe it, but Trixie was actually shaking, and if he didn't know any better, he would say that she had suddenly become terrified of something in that very room.  
"Hey," he said in a much quieter and gentler voice, "Seriously, sweetie, what's the matter?" he looked at her cut with concern; he thought it might have been big enough to require a stitch or two, but his first priority was claming her down.  
"Jesus, you really hurt yourself, kid." Pops said as he finally got a closer look at Trixie's head. He grabbed a napkin off of the table and began to blot her injury, and looked over at Sparky and Racer X. "I think we may need to leave the rest of this until later; she may need to go to the hospital to get this looked at."  
Trixie had been temporarily stunned when she hurt herself, but she started to come back to reality. She pulled out of Speed's hold and away from Pops' hand across her forehead, attempting to say something, but it all came out as incomprehensible banter. Speed, Pops, and Sparky all now moved towards her, wondering exactly what it was she was trying to do. Speed couldn't ever remember seeing her looking so, well, afraid.  
She swallowed hard and forced herself to say something audible. "No, I'm fine, I'm sorry, I'm really alright." She sounded absolutely panic stricken. Speed was really starting to get worried, and he moved a little more aggressively towards her, pulling her in to a hug. He didn't say anything, but he didn't like the wild look in her eyes on bit. His concern grew tenfold when he felt her, for the first time ever since they had met, struggle against his embrace. Before he could react, she roughly pulled herself out of it.  
"I'm alright, I'm alright.I just need to go home and get some ice on it." she said, still sounding wild as tears came in to her eyes. And with that, she turned and literally ran out the door. Speed moved to follow her, but he jumped in surprise as the form of Racer X raced past him and chased after her.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * 


	2. Confrontation

Wuz up, yo? I'm baaaaacccckkkkkk…and you thought you could get rid of me soooo easily! Well I showed you, punk! Hahaha…  
  
Just kidding…I love being a dork…it is so much more fun than being cool. Anyway, here is chapter two. This chapter is significantly more angsty (is that a word? Hmm…) than the first chapter, but just you wait. The fun is only just beginning…enjoy and please review, even if you think it sucked (but be nice if you do!)  
  
************  
  
  
  
There's no vocabulary   
  
For love within a family, love that's lived in   
  
But not looked at, love within the light of which   
  
All else is seen, the love within which   
  
All other love finds speech.   
  
This love is silent.   
  
-T. S. Eliot-  
  
  
  
Trixie had never run so fast in her life. Her legs felt exhausted underneath of her, as she had only finished a very long run only a few hours before, but she would not slow down. She felt claustrophobic, panic-stricken, and incredibly confused. A part of could not believe that this was real, but she knew that this was the truth. She knew who the man behind the mask was at last. And although she had wanted for so long to see his face, to know just who he was, to confirm to herself that he was indeed a human being as opposed to just this perfect competitor who had in fact saved her life in the past, she almost hated the results of her inquiry. The kind man behind the mask was the one man she had detested ever since she was a little girl.  
  
She did not want to stop for the elevator; she was too frantic to stand still. She did not even pause as she raced through the stairway doors. It would be a long way down, almost ten flights, but the distance did not deter her at all. She couldn't think right now; she just needed to get out.  
  
Her panic, however, was amplified when she heard the doors close behind her, then burst open again almost immediately. She didn't need to turn around in order to know who was following her, and she forced herself to speed up in her descent. She could outrun him…she knew that she could…he was such a big man, and she was such a little girl…and she was a very fast runner…  
  
"Stop, Trixie! Stop!" Racer X called out behind her. He was trying to sound sympathetic and calm, but he really wasn't. In fact, he was quite upset, and quite angry. And he wasn't even very angry at her; he was angry at the situation. His carelessness, which he knew had been his greatest fault for his entire life, had gotten him in to some very serious trouble this time. And he hadn't quite seen this coming; he hadn't expected to be battling Trixie in his fight to keep his secret. He had always thought that if anyone would figure it out, it would be Speed.   
  
Trixie didn't say anything, she just kept running. The stairs went by one flight after another, and she kept her lead on Racer X the whole time, until she reached the bottom floor. The doors marked "1" were right in front of her, and she threw her entire body weight against them, busting forth in to the parking garage of the factory. But fatigue was finally catching up with her, and she felt like she couldn't keep this up for very much longer. She made it through the double doors leading outside, but her muscles began to cramp as she entered the cold night. It was dark, and very windy, and she was still only wearing her running tights and a sleeveless shirt from earlier in the day. The difference in temperature made her lungs contract, making her feel like she couldn't breathe.  
  
She had been outside for all of ten seconds when she felt a pair of strong arms grab her rather roughly around her waist. And then, her confusion and shock morphed in to anger as she lashed out at Racer X, who hadn't expected her to fight back. With a scream, she swung her right fist as hard as she could and felt it impact a very solid piece of something. Her hand immediately began to hurt like hell, as she realized just how strong that jaw of Racer X's was, but she couldn't help but feel a certain amount of pride as she heard Racer X yell a swear word and release her from his arms temporarily. Trixie felt that she had to capitalize on this situation; she really wanted to stay and fight, as she had gotten even angrier since the two of them started to struggle together, but she knew that the fight would have been just a bit one-sided. Racer X was at least twice her size, and she didn't really want to stay and find out exactly how much all those adventures with Speed would help her out in a situation that was REALLY a crisis. Yes, the assassins with their shiny, phallic-looking cars; those really fat guys who tied her to a mine cart and tried to blow her up along with Speed; and that dude with the horse who destroyed the brakes in one of her cars; all had been practice compared with Racer X.  
  
She turned to run again, but Racer X had recovered quicker than she had anticipated he would. He grabbed her again, pulling her around to face him, and Trixie's smugness at the effectiveness of her right hook went in to thin air as she saw the look in his eyes. Never in her life had she seen anyone so angry and so hurt at the same time. His mask was torn a bit where she had hit him, and his eyes were wild with fury. Trixie's survival instincts kicked in, and she struggled against his hold, but it was hopeless. Racer X had decided that she wasn't going anywhere, and she couldn't physically fight him. But she tried to utilize the last method of defense that she had.  
  
All of a sudden, she stopped struggling. Her heart was pounding, and she was both afraid and enfuriated at the same time. He looked at her with just a hint of surprise in his eyes when she stopped her fighting, but she held steadfast. And all Trixie could do was hold her chin up, stretch herself out as tall as she could be, and act as brave as she could. Her eyes glared right back at his, and the two just stood there for a few seconds until Trixie finally mustered up the courage to barely whisper, "You…"  
  
Racer X squeezed her waist, pulling her even closer to him. He was, in effect, daring her to say something.  
  
"You…" Trixie struggled to find the right words to say.  
  
"Me what?" he whispered back at her, his voice completely consumed with anger.  
  
"You…you…"  
  
"What!" he shouted down at her. "What am I!"  
  
"Coward."  
  
She couldn't have chosen a better word.   
  
************  
  
At that same moment, Speed, Pops, and Sparky all burst through the doors leading outside only to see Trixie and Racer X standing together, with Trixie clearly not enjoying her situation. The three of them were stunned at first, their reactions dulled by the fact that they had never seen Racer X appear so threatening ever before. Speed's confusion from before became anger as he rushed over to the two and hurled himself on to Racer X.   
  
Racer X clearly had not seen him coming, and his death grip on Trixie loosened just enough for her to wriggle out of his grasp. She half-expected to see Speed and Racer X get in to a fight, which she didn't want to have happen since now she knew that they were brothers, but her sense of right and wrong was dulled a bit by her anger with Racer X.   
  
But neither Speed nor Racer X lashed out a one another; they simply separated and stared. "What the hell are you trying to do?" Speed yelled.  
  
Racer X didn't say anything to reply. He was out of breath, as the sprint down the stairs was obviously not something he did everyday, and he also wanted to stop himself from saying anything he might live to regret. As a man who valued the results of thinking and then doing, he didn't want to approach this dispute any differently.  
  
Pops and Sparky both went over to Trixie, who didn't look at them right away. She couldn't take her eyes off of Racer X, who had now put his hands on his knees and was leaning over. His breath was returning (Trixie couldn't help but notice that the guy did, indeed, have some damn fine cardiovascular fitness if he could recover that fast), but his eyes were screwed shut, hiding all of the emotion that she had seen there only moments before.   
  
Sparky took a gentle hold of her face and pulled her to look at him. "Hey," he said, sounding kinder than she had ever heard him before, "You okay? Did he hurt you?"  
  
Trixie shook her head, but she could feel tears coming in to her eyes as she finally began to process everything that had just happened. Sparky pushed a lock of hair out of her eyes and pulled her in to a hug. Pops went over to Speed and put a hand on his shoulder, after which Speed broke his stare with Racer X and ran over to where Trixie and Sparky were hugging.   
  
"Who the hell do you think you are?" Pops growled at Racer X. He had no idea what was going on, or what Racer X and Trixie were fighting about, but he was overtaken by his anger at Racer X. Trixie was a strong girl, but she was still relatively little, and Racer X, being practically a giant, could have seriously hurt her.   
  
Racer X finally stood up, his eyes covered by the shadows of the nearby pine trees. He still didn't say anything, but looked back at Pops, then looked over at the three friends as they embraced one another, and then turned and disappeared in to the night.  
  
************  
  
Speed turned the running tap off and motioned for Trixie to come over by his side. He gently pulled her hair off of her face as she bent over and dipped her face in to the cold water in the sink. She held her head there for a few moments, then stood up and wiped the water out of her eyes.  
  
Sparky, standing close by with a towel, came over and began to dry her face, taking great care to avoid the cut on her forehead. It actually wasn't as large as they originally thought it had been, and while it was quite an injury, it didn't require any stitches. Trixie took the towel from him and buried her face in it as Speed raised an arm and began to stroke her back as gently as he could. She felt her eyes filling up with tears once more, but she forced the lump in her throat down. She didn't want to cry anymore tonight; she couldn't deal with any more emotion. She just needed to think clearly.  
  
"Better?" Speed asked quietly. She looked over at him and nodded, taking a deep breath and sighing it out. The three of them stood there in silence for a rather significant portion of time, but finally Trixie was the one to speak up.   
  
"I want to go home." She whispered. She was afraid that if she spoke any louder she would lose her self-control and start crying again.  
  
She looked over at Speed once more, and she saw that he didn't like her idea. He scowled and put a hand on her face, saying at the same time, "I think you should stay here tonight."   
  
"At the factory?" she said, making a bit of a bittersweet joke.  
  
"No, no, that's not what I meant. I mean, you should come home with me. I don't really want you to be alone right now."  
  
"I think I agree with him, Trix. You aren't in the best mental shape right now." Sparky said behind her.  
  
Trixie turned back to the sink and dipped her face once more, then took another deep breath. She couldn't look at either of them; their concern was just too jarring, and too kind. But she definitely felt closer to both of them right now than she had in a long time.  
  
"I appreciate it, you guys, but I really just want to be alone." She turned to Speed. "Thank you for offering though." He didn't reply, but he saw that her face was adamant pulled her in to a tight hug, which Sparky joined in to.  
  
After embracing one another for a time, they finally broke apart, and Speed said, "Alright, if that is what you want. I'll drive you, let me go get my keys."  
  
Trixie smiled after him, and Sparky put an arm around her shoulders, leading her out to the garage. This was a side of Sparky that was very new to her, and she liked it a lot. The guy could actually be nice to her when he wanted to be…it was a miracle.  
  
Before she entered the Mach Five, Pops came out to join them. Trixie felt like she couldn't look at him…she knew the truth about his first son, and she hadn't told him. Something was preventing her from doing so, as she shamefully felt a strange sense of loyalty to Racer…Rex. She hated him for everything that he had done to the Racer family, and she hated him for what he had done to her tonight, but she still felt like something was holding her back. She needed to know more, she needed to find out more about what he was thinking, what he had been thinking over all these years. The mask was removed, but she still didn't entirely know who was behind it.  
  
Pops didn't say anything, but he pulled her in to a hug as well. Trixie couldn't help but laugh a little bit as she felt the similarity of Pops' arms around her waist and Rex's, but her laugh sounded more like a sob to everyone else. Pops help her tighter, but when he let go, he touched her face gently and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Cheer up, pumpkin nose. We'll talk about this later, alright?"  
  
Trixie laughed at the nickname; she couldn't remember where that came from, but Pops had sporadically been calling her that for a long time. "Yes, much, much later." She replied, sniffling a little bit. He smiled and gently pushed her towards the car, where Speed was waiting. Sparky came over and kissed her on the cheek as well, but didn't say anything. And Speed drove away before she could say anything herself.  
  
************  
  
The ride home was quiet. Speed wasn't saying a word, and Trixie glanced at him with concern every so often. Speed was always a bit of a taciturn kind of guy, but something about his silence was a bit unnerving to her. Normally, when something was bothering him, he would do something, whether that would be to act really ticked off or yell at someone or anything along those lines. But tonight, he was poker faced as he stared blankly at the road ahead of him.  
  
It was only until when he had reached her street that she realized how fast he had been driving. She lived nearly thirty miles away from the factory, and it hadn't taken more than fifteen minutes to get home. She wished that she had realized this earlier; it was too dark, and the roads were too icy, to be driving that recklessly.  
  
Speed pulled up in to her driveway and abruptly put the car in park. Trixie felt the car come to a jerking stop, and she looked over at Speed, expecting him to look back at her, but he did nothing but stare straight forward, his eyes glazed. She began to worry if he was angry at her for some reason; she hadn't wanted to talk about what had happened between Racer X and herself, and Speed didn't like to be kept in the dark about things like that. But the funny thing was, he hadn't seemed upset earlier.   
  
Trixie gave up and figured that this, like everything else that had gone wrong that day, could be sorted out tomorrow. 'Everyone thinks better in the morning,' she thought to herself. She moved to open the car door, but very suddenly, the automatic locks prevented her from doing so. She looked over at Speed, her face a picture of confusion, and his face was still facing forward. The only thing that actually had changed about his position was his hand on the locking mechanism.  
  
"What are you doing?" she asked quietly. Speed still was silent.  
  
She turned to him and reached up to touch his face. "What's going on, Racer?" she whispered. But then she jumped as she realized that her fingers felt something wet on his face. It was hidden by the shadows, but when Speed finally turned towards her, she could see that his eyes were bloodshot, as if he had been crying for quite some time, and he looked back at her in anguish.  
  
Trixie didn't know what to do. Part of her wanted to hold him, but another part of her just wanted to look at him. She kept her hand on his face, and stroked his cheek gently, feeling tears come in to her own eyes. When she couldn't hold them back anymore, she lowered her head and covered her face with her hands. And it was then that she felt Speed pull her in to an embrace, his lips kissing the crown of her head.  
  
She didn't know how long they sat there together like that. Both of them were crying but neither one made a sound. And something happened that night as they sat together, because for the first time, they communicated exactly what it was they were feeling without even as much as letting out a sob. There were no words, nor was there a necessity for words. There was just an embrace.  
  
In time, she got out of the car. Get some sleep, Speed told her, get some rest, we'll talk whenever you're ready, get some rest. Rest. Rest. And Speed finally departed after kissing her, and watching her walk up to her door and safely enter her house.  
  
The warmth of her house felt incredible. The night was unbelievably cold, and Trixie felt in her heart that this was going to be a very cold winter, unlike any other that the people of the locality had experienced for quite some time. Her eyes did not want to remain open, and she felt like turning on the lights would put too much strain on them. She walked with exhaustion towards her bedroom, pausing only in the kitchen for a moment to get a glass of water. The words that Speed had said to her were echoing in her head for some reason, and she looked down at the floor as she walked to her room, all the while reliving those words in her head. Whenever you're ready, was what he had said…whenever you're ready…perhaps those words did not solely apply to her…  
  
And then, Trixie stopped. Her grip on the water glass loosened, and it shattered on the floor as she slowly turned back towards her kitchen.   
  
On the counter, illuminated only by the moonlight coming through her kitchen window, was a piece of cloth. A piece of black cloth.  
  
A mask.  
  
************  
  
To be continued, as indicated by the pretty little stars! ;) Please review! 


	3. Comprehension

Thank you thank you thank you to all of my wonderful reviewers! I need that stuff…it keeps us starving artists out of trouble. And it is like GoldAngel2 (one of my wonderful reviewers) once said…this is totally addictive.  
  
I come bearing chapter three…  
  
************  
  
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle."  
  
--Plato   
  
  
  
Paralyzed, Trixie stood in her hallway, barely able to see anything. With the exception of the light of the moon which came in through her window, not a single light in the entire house was on. The heat that she had reveled in when she first walked through the front door suddenly felt like it was drained from the building, as if the frigidity of the night outside had entered her home in an instant. She began to tremble with cold, and with fear, as she waited.   
  
She wanted to turn, to look around to attempt to see where he was. But she was frozen in place, only able to look at the torn mask that lay on the counter, as if she thought staring at it would eventually make it disappear, like a mirage. However, all that happened was that it stared back at her. She started to have visions in her mind of all the times when that mask had been a comforting sight to her, for it had often meant that the trouble she found herself in would all be resolved, and everything would be alright. And now, the mask had a different connotation.  
  
Her breathing began to increase in depth and speed as she could just barely hear movement behind her. For such a long time, all she had wanted was this kind of opportunity, the opportunity to see the face of the mysterious stranger who was a larger part of her life than she had ever expected him to be. But she feared his face now, and feared the expression that may lay on it.   
  
Panicked tears sprang in to her eyes as for the second time that night a pair of strong arms drifted up to her waist. But his hold on her was different than it was before, and if she hadn't been as terrified as she was, she probably would have said that the touch almost felt gentle, like the embraces that she had felt with her friends, and with Speed. Had the two of them not endured such a struggle as they had earlier, then she would have felt comforted and warmed by such a touch. But, her fear would not allow her to think such a thing, and despite all of his attempts to remain as gentle as possible, Trixie still interpreted it as the assault of a man who was out to harm her.  
  
She could feel his breath on her skin, which made her shiver even more so than she had before. He sensed her panic, and at first he didn't move. He truly had not come here with the intention of frightening her; all he wanted to do was talk. He was still angry, but the impulsive behavior he had practiced earlier was now under control, and he possessed the ability to think before he moved. Trixie, however, was not in such a position of tranquility, and when she felt his hands begin to move up to her shoulders, she did the only thing she could think to do: she ran. And he had not expected her to do so, giving her, as before, just the slightest lead on him.  
  
Her thoughts wandered as to what she should do. Her next door neighbors were home; if she could make it to their house, then they could call the police. Or, maybe that wouldn't be necessary; perhaps she could just run out in to the night and lose him in the darkness. Perhaps Speed was still out there, although she had no idea why he would have stayed for this long. She really didn't want to get Rex in to any kind of trouble, as she still felt a strange kind of respect and dedication to him, despite the fact that he appeared to be out to hurt her.  
  
But she did not even make it to the door. His reaction had been much quicker than it was in the office building and factory, and for some reason he seemed to be able to see her quite well, despite the intense darkness. She felt him grab her arm, and now she knew that she was out of options. So, she did the only thing she could think of: she screamed.  
  
Rex had not come here to harm her, and he wanted to explain that to her. But he suddenly began to think that his method of approach was not the best one he could have selected. He had wandered in the cold night for a long period of time, thinking as he walked aimlessly. His imagination could not help but run wild at the thought of her revealing his identity to his family, to the rest of the world. He had no idea what that would mean, or what it would do to his existence as a competitive racer…or as a secret agent. His cover was a valuable thing, and he could not afford to have it destroyed by a girl as young as she was. But he did not know what she was planning, and he felt a desperate need to find out. And so, his travels had brought him to her house, which was easy enough to enter.   
  
At first, he had been completely calm, and it surprised him to find that he felt an incredible sense of kinship to this woman who before had only been a friend to his family. But the fact that the two of them shared a secret made him feel a connection to her, as she shared the secret with him. However, when she started to run, his panic returned, along with his anger. It was frustrating to him how he kept trying to talk rationally to her, and all she wanted to do was fight. Not that he could blame her; he knew in his heart that his lies made him worthy of such cold, distrustful treatment.  
  
But it was when she screamed that he just lost his control. He threw one of his enormous hands over her mouth, silencing her cries, and reached out his other hand to grab on to her. However, not knowing his own strength against a person who was half his size at best, he wound up knocking her to the ground, and he fell with her in the process. He could hear her land with a sickening thud on the ground, and he could not see exactly what part of her exactly hit the ground first, but he felt a sense of dread at the idea that she might have hit her head quite harshly. His worry, however, was outmatched by his fury and frustration, and he rushed to pin her to the ground, his hand still clamped firmly over her mouth.   
  
"Be quiet," he snarled viciously at her. "You're only making this harder for yourself."  
  
Rex loathed his words right after they came out of his mouth. He could only imagine how frightened she could be, as it really did sound like he was out to harm her in rather serious ways. His face, twisted with anger, softened a bit when he saw the tears in her eyes fall as she shut her eyelids closed. She was so afraid…so afraid…of him. He had never thought that he would be the one that anyone, except his enemies, would fear.  
  
He slowly moved off of her, peeling his hand off of her mouth. It surprised him to learn that she did not scream, nor did she struggle against his hold on her. He stood up, then reached down and gently pulled her up to her feet. She stumbled, but accepted his aid in silence. All of the fight was drained from her, and she only wanted to make this as quick and painless as possible at this point. But she also felt like she possessed no more energy, and she felt incredibly light-headed, as if she would faint.  
  
Rex didn't exactly know what to do. His initial intention had been to reassure her, then sit her down and talk about the situation as a rational adult. However, that clearly had gone straight to hell, along with his sense of proper action. And he looked down on her as she stood in front of him, her arms coming up to wrap around her body protectively. He had never felt like a more horrible human being, like more of a coward in his entire life.  
  
He jumped with surprise, however, when she suddenly collapsed in front of him. He rushed to catch her before she fell to the ground, and she lay limp in his arms. He immediately deduced that she must have fainted, and understandably so. 'Poor thing,' he thought. 'This has been such a day for you, hasn't it?'  
  
************  
  
Trixie couldn't remember very much when she first woke up. Her vision was blurry, and her head was pounding with the most intense headache she ever had. She blinked a few times, trying to make sense of where she was, and she realized almost immediately that she was in a place that she had never seen before. Looking around, she could see a clean room, very simply furnished, that was warm enough, but felt like such a cold, lifeless place. There were no decorations, no signs of any kind of life at all. The only things she could see were the occasional picture frame placed here or there, and she could see one single vase of white flowers.  
  
She slowly pushed herself up to a seated position on the bed where she had been lying. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see a man standing with his arms at his sides looking out the window but clearly not focusing on anything in particular. And finally, she could see his profile, and immediately noticed how much Rex looked like his father, and Speed, and even his mother. Even little Spritle had the hints of some of those features in his own face.  
  
Rex heard the slight rustle of fabric, which broke his daze and made him turn towards her slowly. His eyes met hers, and he made a weak attempt at a smile, but she did not return it. She simply stared back at him, her face completely blank.  
  
He took very small steps, walking over to her. Every move was deliberate, as he truly did not want to frighten her any more at this point. He had already done more of that than he had ever meant to, and he felt horrible for it. But Trixie did not appear scared as he walked towards her, and all she did was stare back at him.  
  
When he reached the side of the bed, he lowered himself to one knee. He hesitated, then lifted an arm out and touched her hand as gently as he could, still looking straight in to her eyes. He wished that he could know what she was thinking, but she revealed nothing. Her eyes were so blank that Rex felt he could only look in to them for so long, and then he broke his eye contact and lowered his gaze to the hand that he was now caressing lightly.  
  
"How do you feel?" he asked quietly. Quite a stupid question, he thought, but it was one that he could not help but ask.  
  
Trixie did not say a word. She just kept staring right back at him, and the color drained from Rex's face as he felt her eyes burning a hole in him. He could not hide anything from this girl; not his identity, nor his personality, nor his emotions. She could clearly see right through him.   
  
Rex sighed and stood up, suddenly feeling tears coming in to his eyes. He hid them from view, not trusting his self-control enough to look in to hers, and turned to walk out of the room. She watched him as he walked mechanically and despondently over to the sliding glass door that led to his porch, opened it, and then stepped outside in to the freezing night. And incredibly, Trixie suddenly felt a ridiculous urge to both laugh at him and to tell him that she finally understood. The man who had frightened her so much before immediately appeared to her to be a scared little boy trapped in the body of a rigid, stubborn adult who refused to reveal his feelings to the world. Her gaze drifted down a little bit, and she wasn't really looking at anything as the absurdity of this situation finally hit her, and she smiled for the first time all night. Then she looked up, and saw his huge frame practically crumple to the ground and watched him bury his face in his hands. Trixie could not stop herself from standing up, walking over to the porch, and going outside herself.  
  
************  
  
Rex had been startled initially when she came outside to sit with him, but his surprise faded in time. She took a seat right next to him, not quite touching him, but not sitting very far away from him either. He looked over at her with confusion in his eyes, but she did not look back at him. She simply stared out in to the cold night, occasionally looking up at the sky where the stars were slowly being covered by thick clouds. The moon's light was masked by the apparent threat of snow, which surprised the two of them, as it almost never snowed prior to mid-January where they lived.  
  
He didn't know how long they sat there together. Neither one of them had anything to say, so they just thought. Occasionally, Rex would steal a glance over at Trixie, or she would steal a glance at him. Their eyes did not meet for a long time, but when they did, it seemed as though they could not break the connection easily.  
  
It surprised Rex to see Trixie smile gently at him. He had never been so confused in his entire life; here he was, the man who must have appeared to either want to kill her or worse earlier, and she was now looking at him as she would look at a child. It had been a long time since anyone had ever looked at him with that amount of love in their face, and Rex had to choke back tears when he had a fleeting image of his mother suddenly enter his mind.  
  
Trixie knew that he was trying to hide everything from her. She also knew that he was a terrible actor, and that without the mask, he no longer possessed the ability to appear as a flawless, heartless individual. He was a strong man, but at the same time, he was just a man, and many years ago, he had been a little boy. As she looked at him, she had flashbacks to the times when she had seen him in his childish form. Home-movies where he had fallen off of his bike and skinned his knees, pictures of him taking his first steps, and even the memories that she had formed in her own mind of him as a rather obnoxious teenager who liked to tease her, but at the same time had always been kind to her. She remembered him as an impulsive, cocky eighteen-year old who flashed the same grin she saw on Speed's face right before a big race. It was amazing to her how quickly a hero could become a man.  
  
"Why do you do this to yourself?" she whispered to him. He looked up at her, his eyebrow furrowed. "It's like you strive to be inhuman…why do you expect that from yourself?"  
  
Rex had not seen that one coming, just as he basically had not seen anything that had occurred during that night coming. But her words…he wanted to vehemently deny them at first, but he couldn't. He felt as though Trixie were suddenly bigger than he was, and he was a boy that she was going to pick up at any minute and hold. Her words rang truer than any words he had heard for a long time, which scared him to death.  
  
"I don't know." Was all he could say. He looked back over at her, and she didn't reply. And she did was smile.  
  
************ 


	4. Storytelling

Once again, thank you so much to all of my wonderful reviewers! I have way too much time on my hands, so, I'm just chugging away at the story.   
  
By the way, while I was writing this, I was listening to some classical music, so I'm sorry if this is a little depressing because of that.  
  
************  
  
"To know someone here or there with whom you can feel there is understanding in spite of distances or thoughts expressed—That can make life a garden."  
  
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe  
  
************  
  
"It's funny; I spent the last two or three years wondering who you were, and now that I know, I almost wish I didn't."  
  
"I believe it—I know that this must be pretty alarming for you."  
  
Trixie sighed and pulled her knees close to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. It was so cold outside, but Rex appeared to want to stay on the porch, and she wanted to stay with him. The two had been sitting there for a fairly long time now, talking sometimes, and other times, just looking off in to the distance in silence. They had not really discussed anything of great importance; their conversation had been limited to the intensely and unseasonably cold weather that they had been experiencing recently, along with an occasional mention of the race in Montana that was to take place next week.   
  
"We really missed you, you know." She couldn't bring herself to look at him as she said that, and Rex smiled himself as he turned away from her.   
  
"I missed you all. I still do…" his voice drifted off.  
  
"But at least you get to see us. We never get to see you." She replied.  
  
He turned back to face her and grinned at her. "Well, now you do." He meant it mainly as a joke, but Trixie didn't smile back at him. She only turned her head down to the floor once more, and he could barely hear her as she only sighed in reply.   
  
Rex finally recognized that she was shivering rather violently, and felt stupid for coming out here. In fact, he felt stupid for bringing her to his house; what had he been trying to accomplish by doing that? He wanted to believe that he did it out of concern for her, for she did have him worried when she fainted right before his eyes, but he knew that that was not the whole truth. He still felt a bit of anger, and it hadn't helped that when he tried to talk rationally to her at her house, and tried to comfort her, only to have her panic once more. Not to mention the fact that back at the factory she had given him one hell of a punch across the face, which he felt sure was going to give him quite the shiner.   
  
He brought one of his arms up and tried to place it around her trembling shoulders, but when she saw it coming she ever so slightly jerked away from his touch. Rex stared at her, his hand in mid air, and he suddenly felt like she had struck him once more. In time, he lowered his arm back to his side and looked at his feet.  
  
"I really frightened you, didn't I?" he whispered. He actually hadn't intended for her to hear him say that; it was more a vocalization of what was on his mind. But she looked over at him, feeling guilty for pulling away, but she did not rush to deny his question. She did not want to admit it, but she had been incredibly frightened of him, for she had never seen anyone as angry as she had seen him earlier. And Rex, even though he had never as much as roughly gripped her wrist before, could very easily have done anything he wanted to her. She could out run him, but she was powerless next to his large frame.  
  
A few moments went by, and she heard him whisper, "I'm sorry."  
  
Trixie looked over at him and saw a single tear running down the side of his face. He hadn't meant to hurt her, she knew that. He had just been so angered by the situation, and she now was beginning to think that, in addition to that, he had been forced to remember that Pops, Speed Racer, and Spritle Racer were not just people that he kept randomly running in to here and there or that he conversed about races with; they were his family. They were the family that he had left behind. And he had acted without thinking earlier, surrendering to the impulses controlled by his emotions as opposed to the ones controlled by his mind. It was rather reminiscent of the day when he had run away from home; his impulses drove him away from the only world he had ever known, and he realized later on that was he had done was irreversible. She could only imagine how lonely it made him feel.  
  
"I know you are." She gently said back to him. She reached out a hand to touch his face, and pulled his chin over so that she could look him right in the eye. His face was indescribable, and yet she could only imagine what he was going through right now. It was enough to bring a lump in to her own throat.   
  
Rex was trying very hard not to break down. He felt ridiculous, as he was nearly nine years older than she was, and yet was clearly losing the battle over controlling his emotions. He had never liked to express his feelings in front of anyone; he had placed great value on his dignity ever since he was a little boy. But an image of his mother came in to his mind as he looked down at Trixie, who kept both of her hands on his face. Rex had always felt like Pops deserved at least a small portion of the pain that Rex had delivered on to him, but he had always felt tremendous guilt at the thought of his mother. She had not had any part in the argument; she had just been standing on the sidelines, watching in silence as her family broke apart in front of her eyes.  
  
He could never forget the last time he had seen her. It had been an extremely cold night, just like the one occurring right then and there. He had meant to pack silently and leave without giving anyone a hint as to what he might be doing. But he could not stop himself from going back and kissing both little Speed, who had only been ten years old, and his mother, on their foreheads as they slept.  
  
Trixie brushed a piece of his dark brown hair off of his face. "God, how can anyone possibly do this to themselves?" she whispered, referring to him as if he were not there.  
  
Rex couldn't take it anymore. If he didn't move, then he would lose his control. So now it was his turn to pull out of her embrace as he stood up. His tall frame loomed over her for a moment, and then he walked over to the opposite end of the porch. In the dim illumination provided by the indoor lights he could see snowflakes beginning to drift to the ground.   
  
"Do what?" he asked, his voice sounding so artificially controlled that it seemed gruff. Trixie only looked at him with pity; he wasn't fooling her at all.  
  
"You hate yourself." She said. Rex didn't say anything, nor did he move. He just continued to stare at the snowflakes falling.  
  
He heard her stand up as well, and she slowly walked over to him. Goosebumps formed all over his body when he felt her hand come up and touch him on his broad back.   
  
"You hate yourself." She repeated. "Look at your world, Rex. Your house is bare, you live alone, no one even knows who you are. You hide yourself, both physically and emotionally, and it makes you miserable."  
  
Rex still couldn't say anything, but every word she said echoed in his mind.  
  
She continued, saying, "You should ask yourself if pride is worth all of this."  
  
Rex turned around to face her, as that remark had triggered the same defense mechanism that he used whenever the occasional person who did know his identity (and there were a few out there that he worked with) said the same thing.  
  
"You don't understand." He practically yelled at her. Trixie remained completely calm, still looking at him with sympathy.  
  
"Explain it to me." She said quietly.  
  
He tried to walk past her, but she reached her arm up and blocked his way. Rex felt very uncomfortable as he looked down and saw her hand resting on his chest. She was trapping him in a situation that he detested being in.  
  
She reiterated. "Explain it to me."  
  
Rex turned again, and faced the night. He took a deep breath, sighing it out, and brought his hands out to rest on the rails of the edge of the porch. More than anything, he had wanted to tell someone the truth for such a long time now. But now that he had the opportunity, he faltered. He did not know where to begin, nor what words to use.   
  
"I—I can't."  
  
"Yes you can."  
  
"You'll despise everything I say."  
  
"I could never despise you," Trixie surprised herself by saying that, as she had thought for a very long time that she did despise Rex for abandoning his family. "I'm alive right now because of the things you've done for me, and you deserve to have someone listen."  
  
It felt incredibly relieving to hear that, because for so long, Rex felt as if everything and anything he could do would never possibly make up for what he had done before.   
  
Rex once more took a deep breath. He wasn't quite sure if he would make it through the entire story, but something about the tone in her voice and the look in her face told him that he should at least try. And so, he began.   
  
"I left home angry. Angrier than I had ever felt before. I was angry at Pops, I was angry at myself, I was angry at everything. And I hated myself, just like you said. I felt like, like my world was just so tight, and so restricting."  
  
He paused, then continued. "I went home that night, and pulled the suitcase out of the closet. I realized that the last time I had used it was when I went to Boy Scout camp when I was nine years old. For almost my entire life, I was at home, with Mom and Pops, being the perfect little child, doing everything in my power to please them."  
  
"But something changed me that day. Something about the look in Pops' eyes; I looked in to them and saw nothing but shame. He was ashamed of me; ashamed of my lack of abilities, ashamed of my poor performance, just…ashamed. And that look that he had given me, I could not get it out of my head as I threw everything that I possessed in to the suitcase, crying with my own anger and my own shame. I resolved that very night to disappear, and never again to reappear until he was able to look at me with pride, as opposed to just with disappointment."  
  
"And I tried to leave the house without letting anyone know. My plan had been to depart silently, letting them wake up the next morning after one last night of good sleep before they discovered that I was missing. I threw everything in to the trunk of one of the cars I had been working on, then stepped in and turned to gas on…only to step out two minutes later. I couldn't leave without doing one last thing."  
  
Rex paused once more. He was not crying any more, but instead was just staring off in to the nothingness with a pained but accepting look on his face. All of this he had accepted long ago, but hearing it all out loud was making him relive it to a degree that he had never done before.   
  
Trixie just stared at him, waiting for him to continue, but not saying anything due to her fear that she would break this trance that appeared to come over him. He was finally opening up to someone, and although he could not see it right now, she could already see the relief that he was experiencing. And this story was not even over yet.  
  
"I went back inside," he continued, "and climbed the stairs. I remember pausing outside my parents bedroom, unsure of whether or not I should go in for fear that seeing them might whittle away at my resolve to make it on my own. But I couldn't stop myself, and I went over to their bedside, and kissed my mother on her forehead. She didn't wake up, but she smiled in her sleep, and lifted her hand up. I took it briefly, and then gently lay it back down, and then left the room. And then, I went to Speed's room."  
  
"Speed was never a very deep sleeper, and I don't think he is now. So when I leaned over to kiss him, he woke up. I had expected him to make a racket, as he seemingly always did, but instead, he just looked at me with confusion. I had more self-doubt and more reticence to leave as I looked at him than I had when I looked at my mother. He was so little, and he really idolized me, and he and I spent so much time together."  
  
"It was hard on him," Trixie replied quietly. "I remember what he was like the next day."  
  
"I don't think he'll ever be the way he was before. He had been so rambunctious, and really mischievous, and oh God, how that guy loved to play practical jokes!" Rex smiled and chuckled a bit at the memory. "Your typical little kid, I guess."  
  
Trixie didn't say anything, but she could remember how Speed had been exactly as Rex was describing him…and he definitely had not been that way since the day Rex had left. Overnight, he transformed. He was still incredibly kind, with the heart of an innocent, but his extroverted nature was destroyed, and he became much more reserved than he had been before. In fact, in elementary school, he had been very popular, but in middle school, he was ridiculed for his quiet nature. Trixie and Sparky had been his only friends. In high school, things were a little better, but Speed was still nothing like he was as a child. And he never would be.  
  
"He never said a word. He just looked at me, with confusion in his eyes, and I looked back at him with despair in my own. I don't think I said anything either; I just looked at him. Eventually, I think he figured it out, and crawled in to my arms, hugging me as if he would never see me again. Which didn't surprise me, as even I wondered if we would ever have the chance to hold each other like that again. And we sat there, hugging, for so long, but eventually I pushed him away."  
  
"And do you know what surprised me so much? He didn't argue with me. He didn't plead, he didn't yell, he didn't even cry. He just looked at me with his huge eyes and took in every last image that he could, knowing that he would not see me again for a very long time. He must have thought that I would never come home, and that I would leave him alone for the rest of his life. But the acceptance, the quiet resignation; I hated myself for making him appear the way that he did. And I knew that he was so much stronger at ten years old than I would ever be in my entire life."  
  
"And so I left. Time passed, I became everything that I thought I wanted to be. A professional racer, among other things," he didn't elaborate on his position as a secret agent, "and an established man. At eighteen, I thought that someday I would go home and gloat to Pops, showing him everything that I had accomplished all on my own. I thought then that I would do everything to make him proud…but I still haven't gone back."  
  
Rex turned back around to look at Trixie. She had not moved throughout this entire tale; she simply looked and listened to him as he finally had the opportunity to pour his heart out to someone.   
  
"You asked me before why I do this to myself. I do it because I still don't feel like enough. I can't go back until I feel like I am enough."  
  
"But what if you never feel like enough?" Trixie asked him quietly. "You can't live your life trying to uphold someone else's expectations of you, and you can't place such incredible expectations on yourself."  
  
"I know that. And I am not living my life in order to please my father; I have moved on from that. But I am still not ready to go back to my family, to show them exactly what I have become."  
  
"What will make you ready? What will that take?"  
  
Rex thought for a moment. This was a question that he asked himself every day, for each day he asked himself, 'Will this be the day I go back?'. But it was a question that he had never answered, and he still did not feel like he could answer it then for her.  
  
"I don't know." Was all he could say in reply.   
  
Trixie looked down, breaking the eye contact she had established with him. She raised her hands and folded her arms across her chest, then turned slowly and walked over to the place where she had been seated before. She leaned over the railing, and now it was her turn to stare at nothing as Rex looked at her.   
  
"Please tell me what you are thinking right now, Trixie." She didn't appear to be angry with him, but he could only imagine how loathsome he must look to her.   
  
He did not realize it, but Trixie felt completely the opposite towards him. She loved the face that the strong, superhuman racer she had known for all those years was finally revealed to be a man, and she felt an incredible kinship with Rex. He had more heart to him that she had ever given him credit for.  
  
"I can only imagine what you think of me right now." He whispered.   
  
She smiled, but still didn't look over at him. "You must think I hate you for doing all of these things."  
  
"Don't you?"  
  
She looked over at him, seeing that he had once more turned away from her. The only thing she could think to say was what she had said earlier.  
  
"I could never hate you."  
  
************ 


	5. Reminiscing

Chapter Five is here…it's a bit longer than some of the others, so I apologize for that. But I love this chapter; I had a lot of fun writing it. Please enjoy and you know what to do once you're done: review!  
  
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"The first duty of love is to listen."  
  
--Paul Tilich  
  
************  
  
  
  
"I could never hate you."  
  
Rex looked over at Trixie as she stood on the edge of his porch, leaning over the railing. She wasn't looking at him, and he couldn't read her face, as she was expressionless. But as he looked at her, she began to look ever so slightly different to him. Before, he had dismissed her as a child. Well, no, dismissed was the wrong word…he hadn't dismissed her, he just had never looked at her as anything more than someone he was vaguely related to. She was Speed's girlfriend, and before that she had been his best friend. Rex had known her before he left home, but he hadn't really payed much attention to her. And he occasionally ran in to her whenever his path crossed with Speed's. But other than that, she had just sort of been someone who was there, and she was basically inconsequential to him.  
  
However, Rex began to feel as though he was even closer to her than he was to the other members of his family. For years and years he had been, as she had said, living alone, in a barren world, propelling himself forward by thinking about all of the promises he had made to himself in his younger days. He shut himself off to the world; he had no friends, his only colleagues were the other racers (or, most recently, the people he secretly worked with as an agent), and no family. And he had told no one even the slightest little parts of some of the things he had told her tonight. But now, she knew more about him than anyone else, and he hated to admit it, but the way she looked at him made him feel as if she knew things about him that he didn't even know.  
  
After staring at her for a few moments, he recognized just how violently she was shivering. He almost laughed when he thought about just how long the two of them had been standing outside, watching the snow fall from the sky. He at least had a long sleeved shirt on; she was only covered by her running attire. It did not take him more than three steps before he was at her side, which startled her a little bit, but when he put his hands on her shoulders, she did not recoil the way she had before. Instead, she looked up at him with both confusion and trust in her eyes.  
  
"I can't believe how stupid I am…let's get you inside. I've already given you some bruises tonight, I'm not going to be responsible for giving you a fever." And with that, he led her in through the door, and she smiled shyly as they walked inside.   
  
"I'm going to get you a blanket. Just stay right there for a minute." He disappeared in to one of the rooms, and Trixie breathed a sigh of relief. She had been incredibly cold outside, but she hadn't wanted to suggest going inside because it seemed like Rex had wanted to be outdoors. In her desire to hear his story, she had just done what she thought he had wanted. And she smiled slightly as it dawned on her that it had worked.  
  
Rubbing her arms with her hands, she looked around the house for the second time, inspecting everything a little more carefully this time. It really was incredibly bare in that house; she didn't know how someone could live in such depressing surroundings. Then again, Rex was not exactly the perkiest guy she had ever met.  
  
Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed some more photographs on a nearby table. Walking over to them, she realized that they were all photographs of the Racers. And she had seen them all before, as she had occasionally looked at the Racer photo albums with Speed. There was one of Speed where it looked like he was about four or five; his blue eyes were ridiculously large and he was smiling a thousand-watt smile, however, his two front teeth were missing. In his hand he held a miscellaneous fish and a fishing pole, and he was resting on Rex's shoulders.   
  
She smiled and looked over at the others. There was one of Mr. and Mrs. Racer, standing arm in arm and smiling. Right next to that there was another one of Speed, except this one was of him looking about ten, and standing next to two other little children whom Trixie was rather embarrassed to notice were no other than Sparky and herself. And there was one more, a picture of all of the Racers looking basically the way they did now. It was a family portrait, with Speed and Pops standing next to one another as Mother and Spritle were seated in front of them.   
  
And then, above the table, there were framed newspaper clippings; some of Speed's miscellaneous wins, others of important world events that had taken place. Trixie was quite taken aback when she noticed that there was one about her as well. The heading read, "Shimura Breaks State Five-Mile Record: Local Superstar Clocks in at 31:02". She remembered that race, as it had been the hardest one she ever ran, and Speed would not leave her alone for hours after the meet, as he had been so excited for her. That record still held, but she was so surprised that Rex even cared about that.  
  
"These are the only pictures I have. I wish I had more, but I don't really have access to them." Rex said from behind her.  
  
Trixie jumped and turned around. Rex smiled down at her put a blanket around her shoulders, which she gratefully accepted.   
  
"I love that one with the fish; I remember the first time I saw that I did not stop making fun of Speed for two weeks."  
  
Rex laughed. "Yeah, it really is a hilarious picture. But it has got to be my favorite."   
  
Trixie turned around again, saying quietly, "But why do you have some of the others?"  
  
"What do you mean?" he asked.  
  
"Well, um," she didn't quite know how to put this, "Um, why do you have the newspaper story that's, you know…"  
  
"About you?" he cut in, grinning. "I don't know, honestly. I saw it in the paper, and I remember thinking that it was such an incredible accomplishment. I mean, that really was a hell of a time; I could never do that."  
  
"But that doesn't merit a framing."  
  
"Of course it does; you're a part of the family." Rex said those words before he realized exactly how odd they sounded, and once more he inwardly kicked himself for speaking without thinking. He felt his face start to turn red as she looked up at him when he said that, and he turned around to walk away.   
  
He walked over to a chair and sat down, putting his head in one of his hands. The mood had gone from comfortable to awkward in about two seconds flat. Really, he had no idea what he was thinking tonight. First he had frightened her to a degree that was so extreme he questioned whether or not she would ever really forgive him. Then, he had brought her here and subjected her to his ridiculous ramblings, probably giving her pneumonia in the process. And now, he looked up at her, and saw that she appeared incredibly uncomfortable…and rather sad.  
  
It surprised him to see that she had pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders and turned her eyes to face the ground. She once again looked very small to him, and he didn't exactly know why, but she looked like she was now going to be the one to break down in to tears. He knew that what he had said was a little unorthodox, but he didn't exactly know what the cause of her tears was.  
  
"Are you alright?" he asked her quietly, not moving from the chair. She didn't say anything, but turned away from him and walked back over to the photographs. Not liking her silence, Rex stood up, walked over to her, and gently pulled her around to face him. Her face was completely white, and her eyes were shut, but he could see tears rolling out of them.   
  
"Hey, what is it?" he put his hands on her shoulders, then pulled her in to a very gentle hug, which she stiffened at, then pulled out of. She brought her hands up to her eyes, wiping the tears away, then removed the blanket from her shoulders and handed it to Rex.   
  
"I want to go home." She whispered, in between her tiny sobs.  
  
Rex had not seen that one coming at all, but once she said it, he began to feel as though he had been keeping her hostage here, and wondered if she had listened to him only because she was afraid that he would hurt her if she didn't. However, in spite of his guilt, he wasn't ready to take her home yet. No one starts crying for no reason, and if she was going to get him to bare everything to her, then she was not going to hide anything from him.   
  
"I don't want you to go home. It is too late, and I don't think the roads are passable." He said these things with a mechanical tone to his voice, the previous care and emotion no longer present. It made him feel bad to lie to her, as this entire night had been about nothing but revealing the truth, but he didn't want to frighten her by saying that he didn't want her to leave while crying, and him not knowing why.   
  
But Trixie was adamant, and looked up at him with fire in her eyes, along with the tears. "I want to go home…" she repeated. "And I'll walk if I have to."  
  
She brushed roughly past him; clearly, she was not kidding. Rex was not keen at all, to say the least, at the prospect of her walking in the cold night all by herself, but he didn't move to stop her as she moved over to the door. She wasn't going anywhere until he said so.  
  
Trixie pulled on the front door, but realized with a combination of fear and annoyance that it was locked. And not only was it locked, but it was locked in such a way that required a key in order to open it from the inside. She looked over at Rex, who smiled smugly at her, as if this were some kind of game to him. And indeed, he did think it was a bit funny, as he could only imagine how she would react to this.  
  
And she fulfilled his expectations. "You've gotta be kidding me…" she said angrily. "Unlock the door!"  
  
Rex just continued to smile and shook his head, in effect basically telling her, 'No way, kiddo.'  
  
"This is so like you…exercising your control over the situation in order to get whatever you want."  
  
"Yup."  
  
"You are such a chauvinist!"  
  
"I lock the door, and that makes me a chauvinist?"  
  
"You don't let me leave when I want to; that makes you a chauvinist!"  
  
"Really?" Rex said with amusement. He clearly was enjoying himself. "You don't say."  
  
Trixie figured that her angry-girl approach was not working. So, she tried another.  
  
"Come on, Rex, I'm really tired, can I please just go home?"  
  
"If you're tired, sleep here."  
  
Yet another thing that he said without thinking. Trixie glared at him as he gave her a playful leer, as if he were making some joke about…well, something not good.  
  
"Now you're really a chauvinist." She groaned as he banged her head against the door. She had meant to do so gently as a symbol of her frustration, but she had forgotten about the cut on her forehead and immediately reeling backwards, yelling a swear word. Rex burst out laughing.  
  
"I'm glad someone finds this funny." She said angrily to him. "Where the hell is your bathroom?"   
  
Rex couldn't stop laughing; he just pointed his finger in the general direction of a door, which she stormed over to, walked in, and locked the door. Then she sat down on the floor and attempted to calm herself down. In a way, she was actually glad that she had been able to conceal her tears with her anger, as she did not feel ready at all to reveal the reason for them to a man she basically just met.  
  
************  
  
Rex's laughter finally subsided after about five minutes; he thought to himself, 'Perhaps that wasn't the wisest thing to do.' He went over to the bathroom door and knocked.  
  
"Hey, did you fall in? Or are you trying to escape through the window?"   
  
The door opened to reveal a still rather huffy looking Trixie. She actually wished that she had thought of that window thing…but she hadn't actually been considering her escape. Although, now that he mentioned it, it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to do so.   
  
"It was locked." She replied curtly. Rex smiled a devilish grin at her, for he knew that already.  
  
"That's a fire hazard, you know." She walked past him and sat down on his couch, rubbing her eyes with her hands. Rex walked over and sat next to her, trying to meet her gaze, but she still looked annoyed with him and wouldn't make eye contact. He couldn't help but find this incredibly funny…she was actually really cute when she was angry.   
  
"I can't believe that you turned out this way. I can remember you when you were really little, and you weren't anything like you are now." He said, chuckling.  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?" she asked, still not looking at him.  
  
"I mean, as a little kid, you were just so…you were just so different."  
  
"No I wasn't."  
  
"Oh yes you were. You weren't anything like you are now. I mean, you were such a tomboy, and you loved to beat up on Speed and Sparky when they were smaller than you."  
  
"I miss those days."  
  
Rex laughed once more. "And you were such a troublemaker! You all were. Okay, so I guess in that respect you are still the same."  
  
Trixie looked over at him and elbowed him rather roughly, only making him chuckle a little harder. She really was a cute kid…although at almost nineteen years of age, she wasn't really a kid anymore.  
  
"Yeah, well, you were supposed to be our example. And you got in to trouble all the time." She replied.  
  
"But I was a teenager…teenagers are supposed to get in to trouble. You guys were too young to be doing some of the stuff you did."  
  
"We just followed whatever you did!"  
  
"Oh, you followed what I did, huh? As I recall you guys were pretty creative…"  
  
"No we were not! We just followed the precedents that you set for us."  
  
"Yeah, and I set such a precedent for you guys to climb down Mr. and Mrs. Peterson's chimney and steal their rum." Rex started laughing at the memory of that, and Trixie looked at him for a couple seconds as if he had spontaneously grown an additional ear, but then burst out laughing herself.  
  
"That was Sparky…I had no part of that. And anyway, weren't you the one to steal all of those My Little Pony dolls from FAO Schwartz one year?"  
  
"Excuse me, but that was a dare, and plus there is a big difference between stealing plastic horses and stealing alcohol. And you guys were, like, nine when you did that!"  
  
"Well, you treated us as if we were older. You even called me a skank once."  
  
"I never called you a skank!"  
  
"You so did, on that night that the three of us got together to go to that Under-21 dance club. You took one look at my outfit and called me a dirty skank who was corrupting his precious younger sibling."  
  
"You were ten! You didn't have the necessary body parts to qualify for such a name calling!"  
  
"I hit puberty early. And what about that other time when you and your friends stole all of my textbooks and filled my backpack with Cheerios and milk? I never understood that one, exactly…"  
  
"That was only after you and Speed and Sparky put raw cookie dough in my prom shoes! I had to go in my sneakers!"  
  
"Yes, but why the Cheerios? I don't get it…"  
  
Rex couldn't help it; he just could not stop laughing. Trixie was laughing too, however, so he didn't feel bad. This was an incredible feeling; he couldn't remember laughing this hard for a long time. And he was happy to see Trixie apparently having a good time as well. He had been worried about her earlier, as she had seemed rather upset at something that he still hadn't exactly figured out, but now she was fine. The serious mood of before had completely vanished, leaving them room to enjoy each other's company.   
  
  
  
************  
  
The laughter did not subside for a long time. Each time they thought it would die, they just took one look at each other and started up again. And of course, it didn't help when Rex had a moment of remembrance and said completely randomly, "Oh, I did call you a skank." Then he had paused and said, "I'm sorry." Trixie thought that was the most hilarious thing she had ever heard, and wound up falling to the floor, clutching her stomach and practically crying with laughter.   
  
But eventually, it did die down, and now the two of them were just sitting together in silence. It was a good silence, though, not an awkward and painful one like the one they had been in earlier. Every so often they would look at one another, smile, and then quietly turn away once more. Each one of them seemed to be lost in their own world of thoughts.   
  
Rex was thinking about how much he had really missed this. Sitting with her, he felt like a part of a family, like a member of a circle of people that would offer him support and love no matter how many mistakes he made. And it seemed ironic that it was Trixie, as opposed to Speed, or his father, or his mother, that apparently was bringing him back to the world of honest human connection and understanding. He had barely known her before tonight, and now, she was incredibly dear to him.  
  
He considered everything that he had at that moment, and everything that he had the day he left home. At the present time, he had two wonderful careers that made him feel incredibly fulfilled (albeit they didn't exactly provide him with a safe lifestyle), and he had the ability to help others while still remaining anonymous, which he preferred as opposed to being publicized and made out to be something that he wasn't. But on the other hand, he had given up his parents, and his younger brother. He had given up the opportunity to experience all that time with them, and every time that he had found himself in some exotic location like Paris or Africa, he always wondered what was going on in the quiet household back home.  
  
Trixie was also thinking about her new connection with the eldest Racer son. There was so much to him, and it both thrilled her and humbled her to hear the life story that she had for long wanted to her suddenly told out to her in great detail. She felt blessed to have been able to hear Rex's story, but more than that, she felt blessed just being able to see him. The sight of him was beautiful, and that didn't mean that she thought of him as physically attractive (although he was—that couldn't be denied). Instead, it meant that for what seemed like the first time in her life she was able to look at another human being and see his entire life reflected on his face. Every day spent question whether or not he was doing the right thing, every single time he asked himself if he was being selfish, every single sleepless night; everything was written within the contours of his jaw, cheeks, and eyes.   
  
After a while, Rex heard Trixie sigh and get up to her feet slowly. He didn't move, but watched her walk back over to where his pictures were sitting on the table. She stood there looking at them, and for no apparent reason, she spoke quietly and said, "You must really miss them."  
  
Rex lowered his gaze to the ground. "More than you can imagine."  
  
"No, I can imagine pretty well."  
  
She paused for a moment, and then said almost inaudibly, "I wish that you would go back to them so much."  
  
Rex brought his hands up and rubbed his temples. "Sometimes I wish the same thing myself."  
  
"Then why not do it?" her voice, as if it were possible, had gotten even quieter.  
  
"I thought I explained that to you already." Rex didn't like getting back in to this conversation, as he didn't think it would get him anywhere, and it would just depress the both of them.   
  
"You did. But that doesn't mean I think that you are right."  
  
Rex stood up with a groan. "I'm probably not right, but for the moment, I can't go back. It just isn't time. I need more time."  
  
He turned and headed for headed for the kitchen. "I'm going to make you some tea; I think you still have a chill." He hoped that by saying that the conversation would end.  
  
But he could just barely hear her say something as he walked. "You don't have as much time as you think you do, Rex. Time is not something you should play with. I speak from experience on that one."  
  
Her words baffled him at first, and he went through the motions of putting water in a kettle and setting it on the stove. But the realization slowly dawned on him; her tears from earlier when he mentioned her being part of the family, her strong adherence to her opinion that he should return immediately no matter what the cost, her quiet ruminations on time and how it is not, contrary to many people's belief, limitless.   
  
He went slowly back out to the living room, where she was still staring at the photographs, except she had tears in her eyes once more. Rex walked over to her, and put an arm on her shoulder, watching her intently as she refused to meet his gaze, for clearly she knew that she would lose control if she did. Her strength was admirable, but Rex did not think that she was doing herself any favors by acting like this. Being strong was a good quality, but its value could only be applied to so many situations.  
  
"Oh Trixie," he breathed. "I understand now." And with that he pulled her in to a gentle hug, which she neither returned nor resisted. Except he felt her lose her iron clad control as her body began to tremble with silent sobs. Her arms, once rigid against such a hold, slowly came up and clutched his back as she returned the embrace. The connection that was established by their words earlier was intensely amplified as they finally began to fully comprehend each other's losses.  
  
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Okay, got that one done. I think I'm only going to make one more chapter, so this will all be resolved soon, I promise! But what exactly will be resolved, you ask? Well, you'll just have to read to see. ;)  
  
Review! Gimme gimme gimme! 


	6. Daybreak

Okay, I lied; this won't be the last chapter. I've got one more in the works. Thanks again to Hawk Sage, GoldAngel2, and Jen23...all of you had the same suspicions as to how Speed would react to all of this…it'll be in the next chapter (hehehe)…  
  
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"Love takes off masks we fear we cannot live without, and know we cannot live within."  
  
--James Baldwin  
  
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After what felt like ages and ages of crying in his arms, Trixie had finally calmed herself down. Actually, that wasn't entirely truthful; she felt like should would have kept crying for longer, had Rex not been there. Every so often this happened, as she had thought that she finally was beginning to accept the loss that she had sustained, only then to be reminded of the severity of her pain on lonely nights.   
  
The two of them had stood there embracing for a long time, but at some point which Trixie didn't specifically remember, Rex had gently picked her up and carried her over to the sofa, where the two of them continued to hug as she cried. Slowly her sobs subsided, and she drifted in to silence, feeling the safety of Rex's arms around her. She didn't want to pull away, both because of the comfort she felt, and because of the question that she knew he would ask her if she separated from him.   
  
But then she remembered how Rex had destroyed all of his barriers and had revealed himself to her. She could only imagine how frightened he must have been while he did so, as he must thought that anyone who heard his story would automatically hate him and think he was a horrible human being. But she knew that he wasn't, and she was reminded of what she said to him earlier: he was just a person. She was also just a person, and she had flaws just as everyone else did, and the fact that Rex had not criticized her yet for her emotional outburst signified to her that he wouldn't criticize her for trying to talk about it. Before, she had worried about appearing weak, but even if she was, he had showed her tonight that he could be equally as weak at times.   
  
She pushed herself away from his chest, pulling herself up in to a seated position. He looked down on her with concern and understanding in his eyes, but he did not say anything. All he did was take a hold of her hands and waited for her to speak. He waited for her to reach the point where she felt ready to speak.   
  
"I'm sure that you—well, I'm not sure if you'll remember this, actually. There was one race that Speed was going to be in that was to take place in Germany. I think it was just about two years ago at this point.  
  
I went with him, along with Sparky and Pops and his Mother. It was the first race of his that I truly did not want to go to, because of…" her voice trailed off, and Rex knew why, but he still did not say anything. "Because of my father's condition."  
  
She paused and looked down at the ground. All Rex did was take one of her hands in his own.  
  
"His health had been failing for a long time, but we hadn't learned why until only a few weeks before he…before he died. Here and there he would get a cold, then he would get the flu, and then pneumonia, and it escalated up to the point where he was sick with some random virus all the time. At last, I felt the need to take him to the hospital, and when they did some blood testing, they found cancer cells in his lymph nodes. And then they did X-rays, and finally an MRI, after which they told us that he had between three and six weeks.  
  
It turned out that he had only had two. I was amazed at how fast cancer could work…but they did tell me afterwards that he had tumors everywhere, and once one metastasized, that would be the end of it. He knew it, too, and he knew exactly when he was going to go. But he didn't want me to stay at home with him, because he kept saying how important it was that I keep going, that I maintain some kind of normal life. He didn't want me to sit by his side and wait for the end.  
  
When the race in Germany came up, he had been diagnosed with it for about a week. I practically begged him to let me stay home, but he was so persistent about getting me out the door and on to the plane. He even took me shopping for toilet articles, despite the fact that he could barely walk. And he was there when I go on board the flight, and he kissed me and hugged me so tightly that I knew in my mind that this was going to be the last time he would do so. I still can't believe I got on to the plane; I'm not sure if I'm ever going to forgive myself for that.  
  
Then the phone rang at our hotel room. I had originally thought that it would be his doctor, telling me that it was all over, but in fact, it turned out to be him. He spoke to me for so long, although it didn't feel like long enough. And we talked about so many things, the vast majority of which didn't matter, and they didn't mean anything. They were just random words, random memories.  
  
It was three in the morning when at last we hung up. I didn't want to, basically because I had no idea what to say. It was the first time that I ever had to say goodbye to anyone, and I faltered. So many things went over in my mind, and I asked myself, 'What is the best way to tell him how much I love him? How can I tell him how much I'm going to miss him, how I'm never going to be the same person without him?' I was never able to answer those questions."  
  
Her voice trailed off as her chin began to tremble and tears once more returned to her eyes. She hadn't told all of this to anyone. Of course she had spent many hours speaking with Speed about her father, and about all of the memories that she had of him, but for some reason she had never told him about the last phone call that she had with him.   
  
Rex felt like crying himself. Earlier, it had been him who had bared his pain for the first time, and he relived all of his terrible memories, all the while wanting to stop talking, but at the same time feeling a great load lifted off of his shoulders as he spoke. He could only hope that she was experiencing the same feeling, and the fact that she hadn't stopped yet gave him at least a little bit of comfort, telling him that she was speaking because she truly wanted to.   
  
"I didn't sleep at all that night. I just sat in the darkness, with the phone in my hand, wondering what the exact instant was that was the one marking his death. I wondered if he was in pain, or if he just drifted off as if he were falling asleep. He had said to me, right before he hung up the phone, that he loved me, that he would always be with me, and that he would always understand whatever I needed to tell him. He told me to talk to him whenever I needed to; he would hear me.  
  
And the daylight came, and Speed took one look at me the next morning and knew. He was so wonderful that morning…he didn't ask me any questions, he didn't force me to go anywhere or do anything. And he didn't leave my side all day. He just sat there, and watched me. I don't think we said a word to one another, because there just wasn't a need for one."  
  
Rex and Trixie looked at one another when she said that, as they were both reminded at the exact same moment of what Rex had said earlier. He had described how Speed had said nothing the night that Rex had left; he just looked at him, and understood. And he crawled in to the arms of his older brother, probably for the last time. Then, when it had been time for them to separate, he hadn't fought it. He just accepted it with quiet resignation, and with peace.  
  
Trixie turned her eyes away one more time. She was almost finished.  
  
"Pops withdrew him from the race that day, and we all went home. I felt horrible for making them miss the race, as I thought that I shouldn't have gone in the first place. But Pops spoke to me a few weeks later, telling me that I should never be ashamed of feeling pain, and I should never be afraid to accept the help of others. It was a side of Pops that I had never seen before."  
  
Her story was over, and she then looked up at Rex again, who looked down at her with complete understanding and sympathy. They just gazed at one another for a period of time, and neither one could stop themselves as their faces drifted towards one another. Trixie lifted a hand and touched Rex's cheek, where a bruise was beginning to form in the place where she had struck him earlier. She gently leaned in to kiss that part of his face, and then felt his hand rise up to her chin. The distance between their faces decreased at an incredibly slow rate, but at last, their lips met in the slightest of kisses.  
  
The kiss didn't last for very long, but it didn't need to. It was so full of significance that time was unimportant. And when their lips separated, their foreheads came together as they rested against one another, with their eyes closed tightly. Once again, a silent connection was established, and they both sat there feeling as close to the soul of another human being as anyone can possibly come.   
  
************  
  
Trixie was the first to wake up the next morning. Somehow, she and Rex had fallen asleep together on the couch, covered by the same blanket he had given her the night before. They hadn't been sleeping for very long, as it was incredibly late by the time either one of them could drift out of consciousness. But for some reason, the lack of rest didn't bother her, and she woke up feeling incredibly comfortable, as if the greatest of problems had disappeared with the darkness.  
  
Not wanting to wake Rex, who was still sleeping, she pushed herself up off of her position lying across his chest very carefully. Once she was on her feet, she put the blanket over him once more, and looked at him for a moment as he slept. She didn't think she had ever seen anyone look so peaceful.  
  
Her gaze drifted over to the back door, which she opened in order to reveal the outdoors. The patio that they had been standing on was now covered with snow, and when she looked up at the sky, she saw that it wasn't going to stop snowing for a while. It was coming down harder than ever, and she wondered what the roads would be like. Probably not good, but then again, Rex was a great driver, and had driven through some pretty nasty situations that were a lot less precarious than the interstate highway.   
  
She looked back over at him, and did a double take as she realized that he was awake, and watching her as she looked out at the world. She smiled at him, and he smiled back as she walked over to him and sat down on the edge of the couch. Then she leaned down and kissed him on his forehead, which made him smile even more.  
  
"I think it's time for me to leave, Racer X." she said with a smile.  
  
Rex knew that she was right, even though a part of him never wanted to unlock his front door ever again. He lifted a hand up and touched her lightly on her nose, then sighed and stood up. She remained seated as he put a sweater on, then grabbed his keys. Surprisingly, he wasn't going to fight her about driving through the snow, but he knew just as well as she did that she couldn't stay here any more.   
  
Trixie stood up and he took a hold of her hand as he unlocked the front door and led her outside.  
  
"I still can't believe you locked me in." She said with a smile.  
  
"It was my revenge for that sparring session earlier on."  
  
"Hey, that was your fault."  
  
"Yeah, yeah…get in the car already."  
  
Trixie laughed and entered the Shooting Star. It occurred to her that she had never been in this car before, and she looked around at all of the controls and all of the details that had been a mystery to her before. And something alarmed her, yet at the same time did not surprise her at all.  
  
"This is the Mach Five, except painted a different color. You're more a Racer than I thought you were." She said.  
  
Rex looked over at her, then laughed. He could sense what she was trying to say, and he actually felt as though he agreed with it. "The color is about the only thing that is different. You should see what it looks like under the hood…a true product of the Racer family."  
  
"But it has it's own style of handling, I assume."  
  
Rex looked over at her and smiled once more before starting the engine. "But of course, my dear. It wouldn't be an original without it."  
  
************  
  
He pulled in to her driveway about twenty minutes later. The entire ride had passed in silence, as neither one of them felt like there was anything left to say. But they had stolen glances at one another occasionally, observing tiny little differences about each other's faces every time.  
  
Trixie didn't move to exit immediately. She sat still for a minute, as did Rex, as neither one of them knew exactly what the proper way to end this was. It had been such an eventful night that it felt ridiculously anticlimactic to end it by saying, 'Goodbye, see you at the next race.' Trixie actually briefly considered saying that, but she was worried that she would feel so absurd that it would make her start laughing. And as much as she wanted to end this on a cheerful note, she didn't feel like a joking session was the most appropriate thing to do.  
  
"You should get inside." Rex said quietly.  
  
"I know." Trixie replied. But she felt like she couldn't move without saying something.   
  
"Rex," she began, "I'm going to say something to you, and you need to promise me you're not going to laugh."  
  
He looked over at her, confused, but he nodded.   
  
"You talked about waiting until you feel like you are enough…you said that when you felt like enough, you would be able to go back to your family.  
  
I think you need to reconsider your definition of what 'enough' is. Enough is not something that you can actively pursue; the pursuit of it renders it mute. It's something that, in order for it to be meaningful, has to find you."  
  
"And how does it find me?" he asked.  
  
She smiled, and reached a hand up to touch his face. "It already has…you just need to let it in."  
  
And with that, she pulled away, opening the door and stepping out. She clasped her arms across her chest and walked towards her front door. But something didn't feel right as she walked away from Rex; it felt as though the situation still had not ended.   
  
"Trixie…" she heard him call after her. She turned around to face him, waiting for him to speak.  
  
"You never wasted any time. I think that the reason your father wanted you to go was because he knew that staying at home, concentrating on your losses instead of on your blessings, would be an even greater waste of the limited time that you know you only have so much of.  
  
And he knew that you loved him…you didn't need to say anything special in order for him to know that."  
  
Trixie smiled at him, thanking him silently for telling her such a thing.   
  
"And do you what would be a great way to spend some time now?" he asked her. She shook her head.  
  
"Taking a shower. You really do look kind of bad. It's a shame for such a beautiful woman to look like that."  
  
Normally such a comment would have angered her, but she knew that he was only kidding. However, she always insisted upon having the last laugh no matter who she was with, and Rex Racer was no exception.  
  
"You know what? Let's see you go out and run twelve miles in twenty degree weather, only then to come home and be strangled, attacked, and kidnapped by your boyfriend's missing older brother and see how hot you look." And with a smirk and a smart turn of her heel, she jogged off to her door.  
  
Rex laughed after her and watched her run away. Something about her had him completely in the dark, and he knew that he would never be able to look at her the same way again. But he also knew that his secret was safe with her, and that she would respect him, and would wait for him to reveal the truth in his own time.  
  
No one would ever know what had happened between them that night. And no one needed to know; it was one of those experiences that was so surreal, and yet so stunningly beautiful and emotionally significant, that it was enough to just leave it as a memory.  
  
************ 


	7. Atonement

Alright, this is genuinely the last chapter. It's long…bear with me!  
  
Thank you again to my reviewers. Update/post your own stories soon!  
  
************  
  
"Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it forgoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury."  
  
--E.H. Chapin  
  
************  
  
Freshly showered and somewhat rested, Trixie stood in front of the Racer home, finding that she was having difficulty willing herself to enter. Yesterday had been so eventful and stressful that she had originally thought she wanted to spend this day entirely by herself, but as soon as she arrived at her house she immediately felt a strong urge to see everyone. The knowledge of who Rex was and what he knew about her was extremely comforting, as she felt as though a heavy burden had been lifted from her shoulders. However, she also felt a tremendous amount of guilt at the fact that it was Rex, and not Speed, who had knowledge of the most private pains she had ever felt. And not only that, but she was now a part of the secret that caused Speed the greatest pain of his life. She didn't exactly know which was worse; betraying Rex by revealing the secret or betraying Speed by keeping it.  
  
She stood in the snow for what felt like at least fifteen minutes. The snowfall had finally let up, after placing seven inches on the ground, and now the landscape echoed with the sound of plows trying to clean up the roadways. The sky was still grey and cloudy, however, and when she checked the local weather forecast it had said that more snow was on its way. It really was going to be an intense winter; they had never even gotten so much as a flurry by this time in years past, and now they were practically in the middle of a blizzard.  
  
The cold was beginning to get to her, and she began to walk closer to the front door as she took deep breaths the whole time. She couldn't help but feel incredibly nervous; she didn't know how Speed was going to react to what she had to tell him.   
  
She paused once more at the front door, then lifted a hand and rang the doorbell. A smile crept across her face as she could hear quite clearly a small, raspy voice scream out, "I'll get it!". Then tiny, rapid footsteps pounded across the wood floors and the door opened, revealing an excited and breathless Spritle. Why he got such pleasure out of opening the front door, she would never know.   
  
"Hey there." Trixie said, smiling down at him. He paused and stared up at her with his enormous chocolate colored eyes, then quite literally attacked her. He jumped up and clutched her around her waist, still out of breath from running to the door. He tried to say something, but she could barely understand him, as his breath was so rapid and deep.  
  
"Trixie! We…pant pant…were…so worried…pant…about you."  
  
Trixie smiled and knelt down in front of Spritle, then enveloped him in a proper hug. He could really get on her nerves sometimes, but that was part of his charm. His spirit and curiosity and innocent kindness was just amazing to her; he reminded her a bit of what Speed had been like when he was younger.   
  
"I'm sorry I worried you all." She said quietly.   
  
"You should have seen Speed…he didn't sleep all night…he just sat in the kitchen and stared at a cup of coffee. I think he was trying to figure out why he drank that stuff in the first place. It makes his teeth yellow and he gets so hyper."  
  
"Well, you are certainly the expert on hyperactivity." A male voice said from behind them. Trixie looked up and saw a smiling, yet clearly very exhausted, Speed in front of her. She smiled up at him, then gently released Spritle. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Pops and Mother standing behind Speed, smiling at her as well.   
  
"Good morning." She said to all of them. Pops and Mother said "Good Morning" together, but Speed didn't say anything. When she at him again, she saw that the smile was no longer present on his face. He looked completely blank; for the first time since she had met him she couldn't tell if he wanted to burst in to tears or scream at someone.   
  
"How are you feeling?" Mother spoke up. Trixie had been staring at Speed, but she broke it and looked over at Mother.  
  
"A little shaken, but I'm better than I was yesterday." That was the truth; she was still incredibly confused and shocked about all of the events that had occurred yesterday, but she did feel much better. When Speed had driven her home last night, she had been a mess.  
  
"You must be." Mother replied with a smile. "But I'm glad you came to see us; we're always here for you."  
  
Trixie's eyes became cloudy with tears at the sound of that. The Racers were indeed the only family she had left, but even though she had no official relation to them, she shared such a bond with them. They had been a part of her life since she was five years old, when she and Speed had met for the first time in preschool, and they had always cared for her.  
  
"You stole my line." Pops chimed in with a smirk. He looked over at his wife, then looked down at Spritle. Spritle appeared confused at first, but he got the message and walked over to his father. Pops put an arm around his wife, and a hand on the head of his youngest son, and then the three of them quietly turned and walked out of the room. Only Trixie and Speed were left, and she felt a combination of relief and apprehension while being alone with him. The blank look on his face frightened her to a certain degree.  
  
But she was comforted a little bit by his immediate movements towards her. Always feeling he had to be the protective hero, he took her by the hand and pulled her inside the warm house, then quickly closed the door behind her. As she entered the main living room, she looked back over at him. The two of them just stared at one another for a few moments, neither of them knowing exactly what to say. However, Trixie felt it was her obligation to be the first to speak.  
  
"Um…I have a lot to explain to you, and that's why I came." Then she paused and reached a hand up to touch his face, her brow furrowing with concern when she saw just how defined the bags under his eyes were. She definitely did not doubt what Spritle had told her; he looked as though he hadn't slept in weeks.   
  
"God you look exhausted…" she whispered.   
  
"Don't worry about me." He replied softly.  
  
A silence fell over the two of them for a moment. Trixie had temporarily forgotten what she had planned to say, but she eventually tried to begin again.  
  
"I have no idea where to begin…" her voice trailed off as her eyes drifted to the ground. She could feel Speed staring at her, waiting for her to say something.   
  
She wanted to tell him everything; that she knew where his older brother had been all this time, but more than that, everything that had happened between her father and herself that last night. But years of silence are not easily remedied, and she knew in her heart that she could not tell him who Rex really was. To explain the things that had happened yesterday without admitting that key truth was the most difficult task she had ever felt she had been assigned.  
  
"Let's sit down…is that alright with you?" She said looking up at him. He didn't say anything, but gently put an arm around her shoulders and led her in to the living room, where the two of them sat down on one of the couches. Even after sitting down, though, she still did not know how to break her silence, and looked down at her hands in a combination of guilt and sadness. She could only imagine what he might think of the things she had to say, and it made her feel worse to know that she would still be lying to him even when she tried to explain everything.   
  
"Trixie…I'm listening, and I'll always be here to listen, but don't feel like you have to explain this to me. If you aren't ready, then I understand." He said gently. When she heard that, she just couldn't control the tears that immediately came to her eyes. He pulled her in to an embrace, one that she gladly returned, and the two of them sat there for a few minutes, Trixie sobbing, and Speed just gently holding her. But it didn't last very long.  
  
"No, no, no." Trixie pushed herself out of Speed's embrace, her hands raising up to wipe her eyes. "I've got to tell you this, and if I don't now then I never will." Then she swallowed hard and took a deep breath. She couldn't look in to his eyes; she knew it would just make her cry again.  
  
"He didn't hurt me. You should know that right away. And the reason why all of…the things that happened at the factory yesterday happened, was because…" she paused, but then forced herself to say, "I saw his face. I know who he is, and he acted violently because he was afraid of what I might do or who I might tell or even because of what I might think. He is a human being, and he just acted impulsively. I don't blame him at all for it."  
  
She couldn't sit still while she explained this; she had to move around or she felt as though she would go mad. She stood up, rather suddenly, and walked over to the mantle over the fireplace, looking at all of the pictures that sat there. She recognized almost immediately the picture of Speed missing his two front teeth and resting on Rex's shoulders.  
  
"It's a very long story as to how this occurred, but I actually wound up talking to him privately last night. I must look just as tired as you do, because I got practically no sleep last night.   
  
We talked about an incredibly wide range of things. I felt a little uncomfortable with him at first, as he had indeed frightened me at the factory earlier on, but after a while I started to realize, and I felt rather humbled by, the fact that he was just a person. He wasn't a bad person, but he had made mistakes just as everyone else has. I guess that, since he figured I knew who he was already, it wouldn't make any difference if he told me some of the things that he had done throughout his life.   
  
He has a family. And he loves them just as much as anyone could, and it tears him up inside to be so close to them, and yet impossibly removed from their lives. And he really is a sad person…he lives in this little house that is so bare, and feels so cold, as if a human being really didn't inhabit the space."  
  
"You were at his house?" Speed spoke up. He hadn't wanted to interrupt her, but he couldn't control that comment.  
  
Trixie realized that she had said a little bit more than she had meant to already. But she would not lie to him in an attempt to cover her tracks.   
  
"Yes. Like I said before, it is a very long story.  
  
I felt so awful for him. He is so lonely, and I fear that he is beginning to forget just how important a family is. But I also feel that he is a rare kind of person; he reminded me of some of the reasons why I love living so much. And he told me things that were incredibly jarring, but they were in some strange way very comforting. There's more to him than I ever thought there would be."  
  
Trixie's voice trailed away, but Speed still didn't say anything, nor did he even stand up from the couch. He just continued to watch her as she walked from the mantle over to one of the nearby windows. A smile crept across her face as she realized that it was beginning to snow again; she couldn't only imagine how much they would get this time.  
  
"Do you remember that race in Germany? The one that you pulled out of at the last minute because of my father?"  
  
Speed faltered at the question, as the rapid subject change had thrown him off guard. But of course he remembered it; he hadn't wanted to go to that race in this first place, but Pops had somehow talked him in to it. And he would never forget the way that Trixie had initially told him that there was no way that she could go with him; she had to stay home with her dying father. But her father had basically forced her in to going to the race, even though everyone knew that, if she went, she would never see him again.   
  
"Yes" he whispered. "I remember."  
  
"The night that he died, he actually called me. We spoke for a long time, not really talking about anything important, but then the conversation slowly morphed in to a more serious discussion. We both knew it would be the last time we would talk.  
  
And I'll never forget the last thing he said to me…he said that nothing else mattered in the world as long as you had someone who would be there with you, and who would love you no matter what you said or did. He told me that unconditional love was a rare gift, and it was the most important thing that anyone can ever hope to receive." Tears once more returned to her eyes at the memory.   
  
"I want to be him. I want to be that kind, that understanding, that compassionate." She whispered her voice cracking.  
  
"And I felt that by listening to Racer X, I was finally doing something genuinely kind. He had experienced so much pain, and he had to bear it all alone for so many years, and it makes me feel like a new person when I think about the way that I might have helped him. Even if it was so minute, if I lifted some of the burden, then I made a difference."  
  
She stared outside for a few more moments, but then looked back over at Speed. He wasn't looking at her anymore; he was staring at the ground, but with a vacant look in his eyes.   
  
"You've always made a difference." Speed said, his voice cracking as well. Trixie looked down at him, tears now flowing freely down her face. She felt, however, that her time to speak was now over. She had said everything that she had come here to say. Now, she only had to wait for Speed's reaction.  
  
"Have I ever been there for you?" he asked her quietly. "Have I really been so absent that I was never there to listen?"  
  
"Of course not!" Trixie whispered. "How could you think that?" she slowly walked over to him and tried to put a hand on his shoulder, but he pulled away from her gently. Now he was the one to walk over to the window and look outside, with his chest collapsed and his arms hanging by his sides.  
  
"He has more of a connection with you than I do. You were always kind to everyone, but I feel like he is the only one who has ever appreciated it. I don't know whether to feel jealous or just envious."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean that, I wish that I had been there for you, and that you could have felt comfortable telling me these things before. I was always doing something else, or going somewhere else, never stopping in order to just listen to you. But I feel like it's safe to assume that you've told him some things about yourself that you've never told me, and that is my fault. It's because he did what I never did; just stay with you."  
  
"That's not true."  
  
"Yes it is. You've been just as alone as he has, and up until now, you've been in the same predicament as he. You live among people who don't give you the things you deserve."  
  
Trixie couldn't believe that she was hearing these things. She had expected Speed to be angry or hurt by her deception, but she hadn't expected him to be engulfed in a wave of self-loathing and belief that he had neglected her for nearly fifteen years straight. And it was all completely unfounded; how could she convince him of that?  
  
"Speed…I don't think I finished where I should have. I should have told you before how, after he had hung up, I knew that he was gone. And I just sat there, feeling more alone than I ever had before, until the moment that you walked in to the room. Once you were there, and once you sat by me, I knew that I was not really alone. I had lost someone I loved, but I had others. And those others didn't replace him, but they made the void easier to bear."  
  
"You didn't say a word to me for a week. You didn't tell me anything that you had been feeling."  
  
"I didn't feel there was a need to. Just having the knowledge that you were there made me feel better, and knowing that, if I ever felt the need to talk about it, you would be there for me, made everything easier."  
  
Speed fell in to silence. He just sighed and continued to stare out at the snowfall. Trixie felt like she couldn't bear the separation between them anymore, and she stood up, then walked over to him slowly. She reached her arms around his waist, resting her face and torso on his back. His slow, powerful heartbeat echoed underneath her skin, and she felt his chest rise and fall in the motions of another sigh.  
  
"You don't know how good a person you are, Speed. And I love you for it."  
  
Speed still couldn't say anything; he knew his voice would break if he tried to speak. But all he felt he could do was turn around and embrace her. The two hugged for a minute, then broke apart and kissed one another, then embraced once more.  
  
************  
  
"May I speak with you?"  
  
Racer X jumped at the sound of the voice. He had been working, a little absent-mindedly, on the transmission of his racing car, but he jerked away from his work and accidentally cut his index finger in the process. He swore under his breath at the pain, then stood up in order to face his visitor. But with a great deal of apprehension and fear, he noticed immediately that it was no other than his younger brother.  
  
He just stared at Speed for a moment, and watched how Speed stared relentlessly back at him with fire in his eyes. Clearly, Racer X was not going to enjoy this upcoming conversation, but he knew he deserved it. Trixie had been a bit too easy on him last night, for his behavior had been completely unforgivable. In fact, he felt like to be chastised by his younger brother would provide him with a little bit of relief from the guilt at causing everyone so much pain.   
  
"Yes." He replied, his gaze drifting down to the ground. He resolved that no matter what Speed said to him, he would take it without protest.  
  
But Speed didn't begin immediately. Instead, he looked down at Racer X's finger, which was still bleeding rather profusely, and said with a voice completely devoid of all emotion, "You are bleeding."  
  
"I know…I'll deal with it later."  
  
Speed paused once more, his eyes still boring holes in to Racer X's face. But after a while, Racer X could hear him say, "You don't even want to know what I think of you right now."  
  
Racer X only nodded and continued to stare at the ground. He could only imagine exactly what Speed did think of him.  
  
"For the first time ever since I met you, I sincerely hated you last night. And I do not use that word very often, nor do I feel like I possess genuine hatred for any human being very often.  
  
You hurt someone I love, possibly the most important person in my life. You literally attacked her, both physically and emotionally, and then I found out that somehow, and I can only imagine the method that you used in to coercing her in to doing this, she wound up at your house, wherever the hell that is. And she has some extra bruises on her throat that weren't there yesterday. When I saw them, I knew that it was you, and I wanted to kill you.  
  
But somehow, she doesn't hate you at all. She and I spoke earlier today, and I just sat there and listened to her explain how you are just a weak person just like everyone else in this world. You have some kind of family, you possess some kind of emotion for them, and you apparently convinced her that you have some kind of heart. And the whole time that she was talking, I wanted to shake her and yell at her, because I didn't comprehend how she could be this understanding of someone who had hurt her so much.  
  
And apparently, she knows who you are. Don't worry, she didn't tell me, even though I wish she had. But do you know what she did tell me? She told me not to hate you. It was as if she was reading my mind.   
  
Then she told me how you had listened to her as well. I don't exactly know what she told you, but she made it clear that she felt as though you genuinely were listening to her, and that you cared about her. If you were playing some kind of part to her, all I can say is that she is too good of a person for you to even look at, but if you were genuinely listening, then…thank you."  
  
Racer X raised his head at the sound of that. That was quite possibly the most unexpected thing anyone had ever said to him. 'Thank you?' he thought. 'What could he possibly mean by that?'  
  
"Thank you?" he questioned.  
  
Speed nodded. "Yes. She deserves to have someone listen to her, and I haven't been there as often as I should have. And it kills me to think that you might have, in some strange way, actually treated her more kindly in one night than I have in fifteen years. So thank you."  
  
"Speed, I have seen you and her together for so long. And I know that you are a good person, and you have always treated her the way that she deserves. I don't think you know how good of a person you are."  
  
A hint of a smile crept across Speed's face. "That's interesting that you should say that; she said the exact same thing. And it feels good to hear that, but I can't help but still doubt the validity of it."  
  
"Don't doubt yourself, Speed. You can't chase after perfection; just accept who you are and feel confident in who you are."  
  
Speed looked up, and for the first time, he and Racer X locked eyes.   
  
"And know what blessings you have. I can't see my family as often as you, and I don't have anyone in my life the way that she is in yours. I envy you for that."  
  
"I know how lucky I am. And I have to tell you, I'm not really a jealous person by nature, but the thought of her in your house all night makes me want to strangle you."  
  
Racer X smiled a little bit. "Jealousy is a more valuable emotion than most people realize; it is what keeps us from losing our grip on what is really important to us. But you don't need to be jealous; she's too good for me, I know that."  
  
Speed raised his eyebrows and nodded, making Racer X laugh a little bit. "I'm not going to refute that one…but then again, I don't feel good enough for her sometimes either."  
  
A silence fell over the two of them, and Racer X finally gave his finger some attention. He pulled a cloth from a nearby table and wiped some of the blood away, but it had actually already stopped bleeding. And as he tended to it, he saw that Speed was walking away. He opened his mouth to say something, as it didn't feel like the two of them had resolved anything, but something stopped him.  
  
And later on, as the snow still continued to fall, dropping inch after inch over the entire landscape, he found himself wandering close to the Racer home. Safely hidden in the surrounding woods, he just stood there for a period of time, watching in amusement as Pops unloaded a Christmas tree from a van, the family slowly carrying it in to the house. Everyone was there; Speed, Spritle, Sparky, Trixie, and his mother and father. He could see them all laughing and joking together, putting family ornaments on the branches, mocking Pops as he tried to untangle a string of lights, having a slight food fight with marshmallows, chocolate bars, and graham crackers which they had been using to make s'mores. An undefined period of time passed, but darkness fell, and the daylight evaporated as Sparky left, then finally Trixie left after sharing a rather affectionate embrace with Speed that made Rex feel a slight blush come to his cheeks and a smile come to his lips. He envied Speed for having such a wonderful woman, and Rex actually had to admit the presence of the slightest twinge of jealousy at their relationship. Something about her just made his emotions get the better of him.  
  
But there was one final sight that literally made him walk up to the front door and stretch out an arm to ring the doorbell, while at the same time reaching up to take his mask off. He didn't actually ring the bell, and he did not reveal himself to the family that night, but he had come so close.  
  
Mother and Pops had drifted out of the living room, leaving only Speed and Spritle left. He couldn't hear their conversation, but the two had obviously been playing some kind of game, and they alternated conversation with laughter and playful wrestling. Rex and Speed had often done the same thing when Rex was still at home. And after a few cycles of wrestling and laughing, Spritle crawled in to the arms of his older brother, smiling and clutching at his chest, while Speed's arms came down and embraced the tiny form of his younger sibling. The vision was so similar to his memory of Speed crawling in to his arms on the night of his final departure that Rex knew then and there what he had missed over the years. But he was happy that Spritle would have an older brother for his entire life.   
  
Standing in front of the door, he just could not move forward. But before he turned and left off in to his own lonely world, he whispered, "I will be home…and I love you all." 


End file.
